I believe that unless we have learned how to live fulfilled, contented and happy lives as singles, we are not likely to find fulfilling relationships or make healthy marriage partners should we decide to marry. Looking for someone else to meet our unmet needs and fill the void caused by unresolved personal issues is a recipe for relational disaster. We must fix us...before we are free to enjoy loving, lasting and healthy relationships...with anyone.
If you have chosen a single life or have been pushed into one by circumstances beyond your control, the question is, as a single, "How do you find fulfillment and satisfaction in light of the fact that we have been created for relationships?"
#1 Commit to growing Emotionally & Spiritually.
- Don't stop learning. Attend conferences, retreats and seminars. Invest in yourself! As you are open to learn, you will be improving your skills...even relational ones. You'll build a healthy positive self-image that could be your best possible preparation for success.
#2 Take care of your Physical well-being.
- Don't go crazy...but stick to a healthy diet and get sufficient rest, relaxation and exercise.
#3 Keep your Conscience clear.
- A guilty conscience can destroy your peace of mind. Make wrongs right. Be quick to apologize and genuinely ask for forgiveness. If you're carry negative feelings toward someone, quickly resolve them. Resentment and nursing grudges is another sure-fire way to destroy peace of mind and damage physical health.
#4 Guard your Character.
- How many stories do we read about in the newspaper of politicians, business professionals, etc., who abandon their moral and ethical standards for the sake of personal gain of one kind or another? Do your best to uphold these principles:
- Trustworthiness
- Respect
- Responsibility
- Fairness
- Caring
- Citizenship
- Integrity
- Personal honesty
- Humility
#5 Understand your Gifts and Talents.
- God has gifted you with some amazing talents! Find out what they are and begin to develop them. You'll find that whatever you're good at...God can use to fulfill His purpose for your life. It's not what you do with your gift...it's what happens in you when you use your gift.
#6 Become a better Communicator.
- Are your emotions getting the best of you? Learn how to get in touch with your emotions, be transparent and be honest about how you feel. However, once you begin to open your feelings, avoid lashing out and hurting others. "Speak the truth in love." Avoid playing the blame game. Accept responsibility for your feelings, actions and reactions. How we respond is always our responsibility and to the degree that we overreact, that is always our problem. One of the major causes for impaired relationships is the inability to communicate constructively and a tendency to blame others for our overreactions and for causing our personal problems.
#7 Get your needs met Legitimately.
- High on our list is getting our social needs met. We may be able to live happily or contentedly without romantic relationships but we can't live healthily without healthy relationships. One of the best ways to get social needs met is to go to places where you can meet the kind of friends you wish to associate with and do things together.
- Keep in mind that we have a need for several areas of interaction.
- Intellectual - the sharing of thoughts and ideas.
- Social - being with and sharing social times with friends.
- Emotional - an honest sharing of feelings with trusted friends.
- Spiritual - relating to and staying in fellowship with God and others who have similar goals and interests.
- When we get our intellectual, social, emotional and spiritual needs met sufficiently, it greatly compensates for the absence of sexual interaction.
- We have two ministries at BFWC geared to minister to singles:
- Elevate (singles ministry) elevate@bfwc.net
- SMOCK (single moms) smock@bfwc.net
#8 Serve others.
- Get involved in your local church. Teach, serve, give, volunteer, lead etc.
- You will find great fulfillment serving in the body of Christ.
- I am confident you'll find peace, contentment, fulfillment and satisfaction in your singleness as you give your life away.
I think the next blog on singleness will include some helpful tips on WHO NOT TO DATE! If this is something you think needs to be addressed...please let me know.
Ephesians 5:2 "And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling savor."
