I learned this song in children's church, as a child.
Not long ago, I attended a gathering and ended up talking to a leader who ended up complaining about all the incompetent people in his life. He grumbled about everyone. No one, it seems, measured up to his standards. I attempted to change the subject, but he persisted.
To be honest, it made me feel uncomfortable. After getting an earful I finally had enough and excused myself. :-) Although I felt a little rude I didn't want to drown in his sea of negativity.
Complaining is DESTRUCTIVE. Complaining about others is DOUBLE DESTRUCTIVE. The person I was talking with didn't make me think less of the people he was grumbling about but it did make me think less of him.
Complaining about people has the potential of hurting you...
- You see more of what your notice. I remember when I bought my truck. I never really noticed other people's trucks. But suddenly, they seemed to be everywhere. If you focus on people's faults, you will find even more of them.
- You are a bear to be around. My friend was not very happy. He had a hitch in his get-along and a bur in his saddle. He was sarcastic and seemed entitled and discontent. I felt like I needed to fast and pray for 30 days to get his spirit off of me. :-)
- You repel instead of compel. Healthy people will avoid you if you're constantly complaining. As a result, you miss lots of opportunities to connect with people.
- You cause a lack of trust. When you listen to others complain about other people it will make you wonder, "what do they say about me when I am not around." Thus, complaining incites a lack of trust.
On the other side of the coin...there are POSITIVE people. These people are the BEST! They are encourager's and speak faith. When you're around them you'll hear them ooze with encouragement and gratitude.
When you find these people...you don't want to leave their presence. It's like gasoline in your engine.
The difference between the two people I've mentioned is their mindset and approach to life. The good news is that even though we may have picked up negative ways we don't have to stay that way.
- Check yourself. Are you a negative person? If you don't know...ask your spouse or a close friend, they'll let you know. :-) We use mouthwash to keep our breath from being offensive - check your negativity level to see if you're putting off an offensive odor.
- Why are you really complaining? Perhaps you feel you're getting the attention you crave when you complain. Maybe its the need to be recognized? Are there better, more healthy ways to meet those needs?
- Commit to change. Just like most things...complaining can become a habit. The first thing we have to do is OWN our behavior and a make a decision to change. It may take you a minute but if you are really committed...it will become automatic over time.
- You will have what you say. Life and death are in the power of the tongue. If you begin to proclaim that you are a positive person it will be easier to commit to speaking positive.
- Smile more than you frown. Smiling not only has an impact on you it has an impact on others. This is one reason that people unconsciously want to be around you. :-)
- Determine to give compliments to everyone! If it's true that you see more of what you notice than the same is true YOU GET MORE OF WHAT YOU NOTICE. If you catch people doing what is right and compliment them for it...guess what happens? They start doing more of it! This is not manipulation...it's influence. And by the way...it's contagious.
- Speak well of others. We will always have to deal with bad behavior by confronting it. We should deal with the people who are directly involved rather than complaining about it to those are neither part of the problem nor part of the solution. Remember what your mom said? "If you don't have anything positive to say, don't say anything at all."
Ultimately, complaining hurts us more than it hurts others. By becoming more aware and more intentional, you can become a person others seek out and want to be around.