Our eyes have to be developed to see good. On the other hand, we can develop a critical eye and always see the bad.
Perhaps this is why so many marriages and relationships are in trouble today. If you and your spouse are in the habit of being negative towards one another...then you'll only see the negative in each other.
Training ourselves to see the good takes work. When we do...we end up seeing our spouse's strengths instead of their weaknesses. We can easily focus on what we like about our spouse and magnify their good qualities rather than focus on the things that annoy us.
DECIDE today to start APPRECIATING your spouse's STRENGTHS!
A critical spirit will birth a critical mind. When that happens, no matter what your spouse, friends or family do...it's not going to be right. A critical mind will force you to forget all the reasons you fell in love with your spouse in the first place.
Sure, we all have faults and do things that get on one another's nerves. But the issue is...what are you magnifying? Are you choosing to magnify that annoyance or are you choosing to see the good and focusing only on the good?
A negative spirit toward your spouse will poison your outlook. It will affect your communication, time together and every area of your relationship.
Think about it...when we're critical, we begin to nag and exaggerate about things that are really no big deal at all...
- "You squeeze the toothpaste from the middle instead of the bottom..."
- "You never take the trash out..."
- "You never spend time with me..."
- "You're always making me late..."
- "You didn't iron my shirt right..."
- etc...
If we could turn that critical spirit over and start responding with PRAISE instead...imagine what would happen...
- "Honey, when you mow the yard, you look so handsome and attractive..."
- "Sweetheart, when you pump my gas, it makes my heart do flip flops..."
If you praise your husband like that, he'll want to mow the yard every day and keep your car filled with so much gasoline that he'll max out his Speedway Rewards Points!
People respond to PRAISE
more than CRITICISM!
more than CRITICISM!
When we're constantly critical, we have to realize the problem is not with our spouse. It's not even with our circumstances. The problem is with us.
There's an old saying, "How dirty our neighbor's laundry is depends greatly on how clean our own window is."
The Bible tells us that "To the pure all things are pure." If you can't ever see anything right as you drive down the freeway, but only see the traffic and construction and potholes and never see the beauty, or you only see the scratch in the floor and never the amazing house; if you never see what your spouse does right and only what they do wrong, then my encouragement to you is to CLEAN YOUR WINDOW. The problem is not with your spouse. It's an INTERNAL ISSUE.
I believe all of us struggle in this area to some degree. Perhaps today we should make a list of all the qualities that we like about our spouse. Write down the things that they do right. He may not be a communicator, but he's a hard worker. Put that on your list. She may have some weaknesses, but she's a great mother. She's smart. She's intelligent. Write that down. Look at that list in the morning before you go off to work. Start focusing on each other's STRENGTHS.
Ultimately, it's up to us. We have to decide to start appreciating our spouse's strengths and learn to downplay their weaknesses. If we do...we'll find greater fulfillment in our marriage (and relationships in general) and we will be filled with more PEACE, UNITY, and LOVE and we'll see the blessing of God in greater ways.