We all make decisions and it's a great comfort when you can make those decisions with the help of a trusted mentor, leader, etc. In fact, the Bible tells us that we should not lead alone...
Proverbs 15:22 "Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counsellors they are established."
Realistically, you cannot listen to every voice. There are so many opinions that will be thrown your way via, facebook, email, twitter, and other avenues that if you were to try and focus on the opinion of everyone you would simply lose your mind trying to make everyone happy.
So...who do you listen to? Who is it that should always have access to us? Whose ideas and thoughts should we always consider?
- Those who know you, have spent time with you and understand that there is a person behind your personality.
- Those who have seen you at your best and worst...and love you anyway.
- Those who do not automatically assume the worst about you and always give you the benefit of the doubt. (Always steer clear of people who seek to pounce on you as soon as they hear something bad!)
- Those who talk WITH you and not about you.
- Those who are willing to stand with you in the easy times and the tough times. (Honestly...those who BLEED with you can LEAD with you.)
- Those who offer correction for the purpose of building up rather than tearing down (People who always seek to tear you down should be ignored! If they do not correct/confront in love then they are nothing more than a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal - see 1 Corinthians 13:1).
- Those who are willing to take a confrontation straight to the person rather to an online audience or to a disgruntled spirit.
- Those who are not always looking for a reason to attack/hate you.
- Those who have the goal of covenant relationship and see themselves attached to you for life.
- Those who walk in Biblical authority, graced with understanding, wisdom, impartiality, proven confidentiality, unconditional love and integrity.
- James 5:10 MSG "Take the old prophets as your mentors. They put up with anything, went through everything, and never once quit, all the time honouring God."
The years have shown me that mentorship is not something you have to demand; it often comes supernaturally. It's amazing how God has brought people into my life at different seasons, and I believe it's because I had an openness or receptivity to hearing it. What attracts mentorship? (Look at Moses - his story is a classic tale of attracting mentorship.)
1. Teachability - (Exodus 18:17-18)
- Moses took his father-in-law's wisdom. Leaders who are insecure or too sensitive, will often struggle to receive advice or instruction. It's not difficult to receive instruction from someone who you know loves you and is more concerned about your welfare then they are about their own welfare.
- It's one thing to listen but entirely different to heed the good advice we hear. To heed literally means to listen with a commitment to change. Moses not only listened to Jethro, but he applied his counsel to the situation and changed the way he managed those he was leading. It's not about how many sermons we hear preached, or how many counseling sessions we go to; it's what we do with what we hear that counts.
- Jethro's advice pointed Moses to God not away from Him. Mentors do not replace God in our lives. They propel us toward a greater dependency on God, not man. Yes, we have to sow spiritual seed, and God uses other people to water that seed, but only God brings the increase into our life.
- More than reading books...we must be good at "reading" life, people or situations. Moses knew how to read people. When choosing leaders he didn't look at their resume, instead he looked at their heart, their motives, their character and integrity. He had to find the kind of people who had an ear that would help him do what God called him to do. This is where we must be careful when "reading" people and resist the temptation of making surface judgements based on external appearances. Jesus said, "Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgement." (John 7:24) Using discernment and focusing on internal heart issues will cause us to listen to the right voices.
- I've learned to live life with an open hand; not a closed fist. We have the tendency to want to pull things in and holding on tight. But mentorship is not all about our needs and us. We need to release our mentors to live their own lives, just like Moses did Jethro. If we come to expect our mentors to be on hand whenever we need them, we can potentially risk cutting ourselves off from the spirit of mentorship.