Where You Sit Determines What You Get

Jesus had 5 Distinct Levels of Relationship:

1 - John the Beloved
3 - Peter, James & John
12 - Disciples
70 - Sent out two by two
Multitude - Followed Him everywhere He went

Each level of relationship had its own lateral & vertical depth.

LEADERSHIP (i.e., mentorship, coaching, Father/Son connection, etc.) is much the same. (1, 3, 12, 70, Multitude, etc.) ... not in matters of hierarchy but in matters of relational equity.

Relational equity = a relationship in which time and emotional investment has been made that renders an increased value from which to draw.

As a Pastor, I have relationships with many people. However, I would have to say that each relationship is different based upon the individual. I guess it could be called “tiered” in some aspects. I have relationships with my staff, ministry leaders, volunteers, parishioners and acquaintances. The development of each is a process which requires trust, time and shared interests.

Read more here

The key is knowing how to effectively lead each level. These relationships can be modified over time. However, the principles of how you interact with each remain the same.

Where you SIT determines what you GET.

Mentorship: Practical & Crucial

Question: How do you define MENTORING?

• Webster's: someone who teaches or gives help and advice to a less experienced and often younger person.
• I believe that mentoring is a RELATIONAL experience in which one person empowers another by sharing God-given RESOURCES.

Question: Is there a difference between DISCIPLING and MENTORING?

• A DISCIPLER could be defined as someone who helps an understudy (1) give up their own will for the will of God, (2) live daily a life of spiritual sacrifice for God's glory, and (3) strive to be consistently obedient to the commands of The Lord.
• A MENTOR, on the other hand, provides modeling, closer supervision on special projects, individualized help in many areas - discipline, encouragement, correction, confrontation, and a calling to accountability. 

Mentoring is a PROCESS of opening our lives to others, of sharing our lives with others; a process of living for the next generation.

My life verse is Psalm 145:4 "One generation shall praise thy works to another, and shall declare thy mighty acts."

• This verse speaks of passing something on to the generation following.
• It speaks to me of being generationally minded.

Consider this old Chinese Proverb:

• "If you are planting for a year, plant grain.
• If you are planting for a decade, plant trees.
• If you are planting for a century, plant people."

Planting people takes TIME.  More time spent with fewer people equals greater lasting impact for God.  

While some seek to impact the MULTITUDE, it's the ONE that remains with you till the end. 

Remember that it was the multitude that left Jesus first when He was on His way to the cross...followed by the 70, the 12 and the 3...but only the 1 (John) remained at the foot of the cross.

Your greatest impact is in the one!

• Moses mentored Joshua.
• Naomi mentored her daughter-in-law Ruth.
• Ezra mentored Nehemiah.
• Elijah mentored Elisha.
• Elizabeth mentored her cousin Mary.
• Barnabas mentored Paul and John Mark.
• Paul mentored his spiritual son Timothy.

Question: Who is your Paul?

• Do you have a SPIRITUAL mentor who is pouring his/her life into you the way Paul poured his life into Timothy?
• Do you have someone you can go to for WISE counsel?
• Do you have someone who is a GODLY example for you and a model worth imitating?
• Do you have someone who lives out BIBLICAL values and spiritual maturity?
• Do you have someone with solid SKILLS that can help you improve where you are weak?

JOB DESCRIPTION of a MENTOR

1. A willingness to spend the TIME it takes to build a bonded relationship with the learner.
2. A commitment to believing in the POTENTIAL and FUTURE of the learner; to telling them what kind of exciting future you see ahead for him or her; to visualizing and verbalizing the possibilities of his or her life.
3. A willingness to be VULNERABLE and TRANSPARENT before the learner, willing to share not only strengths and successes but also weaknesses, failures and brokenness.
4. A willingness to be honest yet AFFIRMING in confronting the learner's errors, faults and areas of immaturity.
5. A commitment to STANDING by the learner through trials - even trials that are self-inflicted as a result of ignorance or error.
6. A commitment to helping the learner set GOALS for his or her spiritual life, career, or ministry and to helping the learner dream his or her dream.
7. A willingness to objectively EVALUATE the learner's progress toward his or her goal.
8. Above all, a commitment to faithfully put into PRACTICE all that one teachers the learner.

I believe the best learning doesn't come from a classroom or a book...it must be heard, seen, studied, handled, lived and experienced in order to be PROVEN and assimilated!

Question: Who is your Barnabas?

• Do you have someone in your life to encourage you?
• Do you have someone to believe in you, support you and guide you?

ENCOURAGEMENT is the kind of expression that helps someone want to be better!

Lessons from Barnabas:

1. He was generous with his finances (Acts 4:32-37)
2. He reached out to Paul when everyone else was skeptical about him. (Acts 9:26-31, 11:25-30)
3. He spent time with Mark when he had failed. (Acts 15:36-39)

This was the RESULT of Barnabas' encouragement:

• If it were not for Barnabas we would not have Paul's epistles nor Mark's Gospel; nor the rapid spread of the Gospel!

Four Key's to Barnabas' life (Acts 11:24)

1. He was a man of integrity.
2. He was a man full of the Holy Spirit (John 14:16-17, 26).
3. He was a man full of faith.
4. He was teachable. (Acts 13:43,50)

Question: Who is your Timothy?

• Do you have someone in whom to invest your own life?
• If married, you should look at your spouse, children or grandchildren as a "Timothy". But is there anyone outside your family in whom you are investing?

2 Timothy 2:2 "You then, my child, be strengthened by the grace that is in Christ Jesus, and what you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men who will be able to teacher others."

The 6 Keys of Mentoring

1. RELATIONAL - The you in 2 Timothy 2:2 refers to Timothy and the me refers to the Apostle Paul. People LEARN how to better love and follow Jesus in the context of FOCUSED FRIENDSHIP.
2. PERSONAL - The basics that Timothy learned from Paul were mediated through his unique personality, gifting and style.
3. THEOLOGICAL - Paul is faithfully delivering what he himself received from MANY WITNESSES or martyrs. Martyrs became public witnesses to the truth. The meaning of the word martyr literally means that Christian truth-telling could be TERMINALLY costly.
4. INTENTIONAL - All of us are involved in hundreds of unintentional relationships. However,  in the case of Paul and Timothy we see a relationship that was established for a specific purpose.
5. TRANSFORMATIONAL - Mentoring involves study, reflection; action and receptivity.
6. REPRODUCIBLE - Who will be able to TEACH others.

Be A Barnabas

Let's take a look at mentorship in the life of Barnabas. As we look at his life we discover that...

Barnabas was the ideal mentor because he was an ENCOURAGER. 

He was part of the multitude of believers who were of one HEART and of one SOUL (Acts 4:32-35).  

There was a spirit of SHARING among them, but Barnabas was especially noted for his GENEROSITY. (Acts 4:36-37).

His name was Joses, but he was nicknamed “Barnabas” which means “SON OF CONSOLATION.” 

Consolation means “the act of emboldening another in believe or course of action, encouragement, exhortation.”

• Barnabas did something in emboldening others to act in a similar manner.   
• He did something that was an encouragement, a help, an example to the other Christians.
• The apostles were amazed by his spirit and his example and called him the basically “THE ENCOURAGER.”

From Barnabas, we learn that if we are going to mentor others, we must be willing to:

• ENCOURAGE others to and MOTIVATE them to serve the Lord especially with the Word of God.  
  Hebrews 13:22 And I beseech you, brethren, suffer the word of exhortation: for I have written a letter unto you in few words.
  
  
• Set a GOOD EXAMPLE for others to follow. 
  1 Corinthians 11:1 Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ.
  
  
• GIVE generously of what we have to help others. 
  2 Corinthians 12:15 And I will very gladly spend and be spent for you; though the more abundantly I love you, the less I be loved.
  
  
• Mentors are willing to TRUST when others won’t.
  
  
• Mentors are willing to TAKE RISKS when others are afraid.
  
  
•  Mentors BELIEVE when others doubt.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 

4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, 5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; 6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; 7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. 8 Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away. 

If we are going to mentor and disciple leaders, we must be willing to HELP those that no one else will help, BELIEVE in those that others won’t believe in, and TAKE RISKS on people.

Barnabas sought out and believed in Saul when others did not.

Saul was not trusted by the disciples at Jerusalem (Acts 9:23-26).  Running for his life from the Jews at Damascus, He came to Jerusalem.  But the church there would not let him join them because they were afraid of him and did not believe he was a true disciple.

Barnabas REACHED OUT TO SAUL when no one else would (Acts 9:27-31).  He took a risk and brought Saul to the apostles.  He told them how he had seen the Lord in the way, how the Lord had spoken to him, and how he had boldly preached at Damascus in the name of Jesus.  The apostles accepted the word of Barnabas, and Saul was with them COMING IN and GOING OUT at Jerusalem.

From Barnabas, we learn about BELIEVING in people.

Five Ways To Focus On The Few

Have you ever heard someone describe the details of when they received their "call" from the Lord?  Over the years, I've had many people, mainly preachers, share their personal story with me.  A common phrase, which I don't doubt, has been "I saw myself standing before thousands preaching."

I assume that most preachers, especially when starting out, have grand visions of one day preaching to the masses.  In fact, we are exposed to mission's magazines and crusade pictures that show thousands of people gathered in fields and stadiums.

Not long ago, I received an invitation to join a group of preachers who were invited to preach in such a meeting.  I was told that if we would go, the missionaries would arrange a big crusade for us and we would be able to preach to the thousands.  Obviously, there would have been lots of pictures taken and bragging rights about how many people came to Jesus.

I'll have to admit, it did sound exciting.  However, it seems to me that if I had the opportunity to travel to a foreign county, I would much rather spend a few days with a small group of local pastors, encouraging and resourcing them, so they can go out and preach at the big meetings.  Their connection to their culture would probably give them the greater impact anyway.

Don't get me wrong…MASS EVANGELISM is certainly effective!  However, I feel like I can personally make a bigger impact discipling the FEW to reach the MANY.

What did Jesus do?  Most of the conversations He had in ministry were inner conversations with His small group of twelve.  Even when He did big meetings, He used His small group of disciples to minister to the crowds.  He spent three and a half years investing in them in a personal way…not as a teacher…but as a friend.  Can you imagine being part of that team?  They weren't mass produced through a seminary warehouse…they were hand-carved by Jesus Himself!

If it worked for Jesus…it will work for us!  One person at a time.  That's what we call RELATIONAL DISCIPLESHIP.  However, in our "CHURCHY CULTURE" we've prided ourselves in producing a performance based environment that thinks that bigger is better.  We invest thousands in big events while ignoring relationships.  We want to mesmerize our senses with sensational meetings, bigger platforms, hyped up gimmicks and instant results!  

It may look spectacular on opening night, but the show fades fast!

Is this mindset killing our long-term results? Do we truly think that Christianity at it's best is most effectively communicated ONLY by preachers who stand behind pulpits?  Preaching is definitely important…but without personal discipleship, leaders aren't formed and Christians don't develop true character.  As a result, Christianity, at least in the U.S., is a mile wide and an inch deep and our faith has become programmed, superficial and even fake.

I'm not impressed in attending one more flashy conference where everyone dresses the same, has the trendiest haircut, fake glasses, skinny jeans, knows the latest urban lingo and hob nobs with the who's who.  I'm much more interested in making an impact with a covenant few who have the ability to multiply themselves in others.

How do we do dismantle the idea that MINISTRY has to be MASSIVE to be effective?  At what point will the church realize that it's not the multitude that hung around the cross…but it was the "one" (John the beloved) that remained with Jesus?

Here's a few things to consider when focusing on the few.

1. Discover

• Jesus handpicked His disciples.  Paul did the same when he chose Timothy, Silas, Aquila and Priscilla to be his ministry companions.  Have you discovered who you are called to disciple? Is there anyone that you feel drawn to?  We must also remember that Jesus had a Judas on his team.  Not everyone who starts with you will continue with you. 

2. Invest

• Discipleship is more than a program.  It's a personal relationship that flows out of love and genuine friendship.  Investments require time, finances and patience.  Isn't that what Apostle Paul was doing with the Thessalonians? "We were well-pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God but also our own lives, because you had become very dear to us." (1 Thessalonians 2:8)

3. Share

• Sharing ministry and time together is essential in developing relationships. It's more exciting to bring people with you on the journey, whether it's travel, events, ministry opportunities, etc., then to do ministry all alone.  Some of our most memorable moments will come from shared time together. 

4. Train

• When Jesus needed to address an issue in the lives of His disciples, He didn't lecture them, He creatively used illustrations that related to the events of their lives - a storm, the death of a friend or an encounter with a needy beggar.  His teaching flowed out of His relationship with His disciples.  Discipleship doesn't happen in a classroom setting.  It can happen at Starbucks, during a ride in the car, etc.  It happens naturally when TIME is spent together.

5. Prayer

• Prayer is a vital part of mentoring and personal discipleship.  Apostle Paul told Timothy that he constantly remembered him in his prayers "night and day" (2 Timothy 1:3).  On my personal calendar, I have certain times during the week marked for intercession for those I'm mentoring.

Today's fatherless generation is looking for more than the latest musical trend, coolest stage design or the hippest techno-pastor.  They just want authentic role models who will spend time with them.

Who are you discipling right now?  

Who is coming behind you?  

Who are you pouring your life into?

Something else to think about:

• Relationship goes both ways.  If you want someone to pour into you…you have to begin pouring into someone else.
• Relationship requires reciprocation.  We're inclined to allow others to invest in us…however, relationship requires us to be just as willing to invest in others.
• Communication - Who in the relationship is making the phone calls, sending cards, texts, emails, speaking encouragement, etc.?
• Investment - Who in the relationship is buying the meals? Never allow yourself to become the "taker" and the other person to remain the "giver."  Investing in any relationship requires mutual exchange.

Focusing on the FEW will maximize our ability to reach the MANY!

All Ears

Who do you give your ear to? Whose voice do you listen to? If you're in leadership (especially church leadership) you've probably already figured out that everyone else has a plan for your life.

We all make decisions and it's a great comfort when you can make those decisions with the help of a trusted mentor, leader, etc.  In fact, the Bible tells us that we should not lead alone...

Proverbs 15:22 "Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counsellors they are established."

Realistically, you cannot listen to every voice.  There are so many opinions that will be thrown your way via, facebook, email, twitter, and other avenues that if you were to try and focus on the opinion of everyone you would simply lose your mind trying to make everyone happy.

So...who do you listen to?  Who is it that should always have access to us?  Whose ideas and thoughts should we always consider?

1. Those who know you, have spent time with you and understand that there is a person behind your personality.
   
   
2. Those who have seen you at your best and worst...and love you anyway.
   
   
3. Those who do not automatically assume the worst about you and always give you the benefit of the doubt.  (Always steer clear of people who seek to pounce on you as soon as they hear something bad!)
   
   
4. Those who talk WITH you and not about you.
   
   
5. Those who are willing to stand with you in the easy times and the tough times.  (Honestly...those who BLEED with you can LEAD with you.)
   
   
6. Those who offer correction for the purpose of building up rather than tearing down (People who always seek to tear you down should be ignored!  If they do not correct/confront in love then they are nothing more than a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal - see 1 Corinthians 13:1).
   
   
7. Those who are willing to take a confrontation straight to the person rather to an online audience or to a disgruntled spirit.
   
   
8. Those who are not always looking for a reason to attack/hate you.
   
   
9. Those who have the goal of covenant relationship and see themselves attached to you for life.
   
   
10. Those who walk in Biblical authority, graced with understanding, wisdom, impartiality, proven confidentiality, unconditional love and integrity.
    

I believe we can know in advance the lessons that only hindsight seems to teach us by accessing the wisdom of those who have walked the road before us. 

• James 5:10 MSG "Take the old prophets as your mentors. They put up with anything, went through everything, and never once quit, all the time honouring God."

Moses embraced the VOICE of his father-in-law, Jethro, in Exodus 18 and it helped him see past his own leadership blind spots.  

The years have shown me that mentorship is not something you have to demand; it often comes supernaturally.  It's amazing how God has brought people into my life at different seasons, and I believe it's because I had an openness or receptivity to hearing it.   What attracts mentorship? (Look at Moses - his story is a classic tale of attracting mentorship.)

1. Teachability - (Exodus 18:17-18) 

• Moses took his father-in-law's wisdom.  Leaders who are insecure or too sensitive, will often struggle to receive advice or instruction. It's not difficult to receive instruction from someone who you know loves you and is more concerned about your welfare then they are about their own welfare.

2. Listening - (Exodus 18:19, 24) 

• It's one thing to listen but entirely different to heed the good advice we hear. To heed literally means to listen with a commitment to change.  Moses not only listened to Jethro, but he applied his counsel to the situation and changed the way he managed those he was leading.  It's not about how many sermons we hear preached, or how many counseling sessions we go to; it's what we do with what we hear that counts.

3. Prayer - (Exodus 18:19) 

• Jethro's advice pointed Moses to God not away from Him. Mentors do not replace God in our lives.  They propel us toward a greater dependency on God, not man. Yes, we have to sow spiritual seed, and God uses other people to water that seed, but only God brings the increase into our life.

4. Reader - (Exodus 18:21) 

• More than reading books...we must be good at "reading" life, people or situations. Moses knew how to read people.  When choosing leaders he didn't look at their resume, instead he looked at their heart, their motives, their character and integrity.  He had to find the kind of people who had an ear that would help him do what God called him to do.  This is where we must be careful when "reading" people and resist the temptation of making surface judgements based on external appearances. Jesus said, "Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgement." (John 7:24)  Using discernment and focusing on internal heart issues will cause us to listen to the right voices.

5. Releaser - (Exodus 18:27)  

• I've learned to live life with an open hand; not a closed fist. We have the tendency to want to pull things in and holding on tight.  But mentorship is not all about our needs and us.  We need to release our mentors to live their own lives, just like Moses did Jethro.  If we come to expect our mentors to be on hand whenever we need them, we can potentially risk cutting ourselves off from the spirit of mentorship.

I believe the right spirit will attract the kind of people who care about you and point you to a greater dependency on God.