Loneliness, Isolation, Trust & True Friends

Before the Covid-19 shutdown of businesses, I had an appointment with a new optometrist. I hadn’t seen an eye doctor for more than a decade but age has been creeping up on me & I knew it was time to get an exam.

While I was sitting in the waiting room, filling out the new patient paperwork, I looked at one of the questions & begin to reflect.

I’ve been asked this question many times & breezed through it without batting an eye. But this time, I just sat & stared at the question because it stood out to me.

Ok, you’re probably wondering what the question is...here it is: "Who Should We Contact In Case Of An Emergency?"  

Beverly is the name I write down, without hesitation. But as I sat & looked at that question, my thoughts went to anyone who might not be able to answer that question rapidly.  Perhaps at one time in their life, they could think of 3-4 names automatically. However, due to situations they no longer can.

My heart began to feel heavy for anyone that feels alone or feels like they have no one to trust.

I had a misty-eyed moment in the waiting room. I was thankful that I could name at least 20 or more names…people I know who will be there for Beverly or I if we needed help.

If I can be honest with you…circumstances, betrayal & time can reduce that number to the point that you lose trust in people & find it difficult to trust anyone at all.

The natural thing to do is to focus inward, to trust no one - to spend as much time as possible alone & isolated, because at least you don’t have to worry about being betrayed, hurt or disappointed.  

I grew up listening to a song that said this…

Me and Jesus, got our own thing goin'
Me and Jesus, got it all worked out
Me and Jesus, got our own thing goin'
We don't need anybody to tell us what it's all about

After all, all I need is Jesus, right?  

Jesus said He would never leave me or forsake me - that He would always be with me - so why do I even need anyone else?  

Here’s why…BECAUSE YOU CANNOT DO LIFE ALONE!

Yes, I need a strong, growing relationship with Christ, but I also need a strong, growing relationship with others...if I am truly going to experience the abundant life that Jesus promises.  

That’s not always easy. Risk is involved. You can get hurt, betrayed & even abandoned over & over.  But just because it's hard doesn't mean we should not try.  

We need relationships!  God designed us to do life with others. He designed for us to have the help of others.

I’m not sharing this because I’m looking for new friends or for people to text me & say, “we love you.”  I’m sharing this because I know there are people out there who feel isolated & lonely.  People who don’t want to feel that way & they wish things were different but due to circumstances they don’t know if they can ever trust anyone again.

Believe me…I understand.

Look at this verse in Proverbs 18:24 “One who has unreliable friends soon come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

It’s not easy…but it’s worth it!

Isolation is not the answer.  Rather, I believe true joy comes in the context of a group of people who will stand with you & love you – no matter what!

Are those people hard to find? Yes.

But, when you do find them…I can honestly say you will one day look back & know it was worth it.

If you’ve been ISOLATING yourself because of lost hope…today, I want you to rethink that decision.  I’m not asking you to simply make superficial friends who you always feel like you have to pretend to be someone else when you are around them…I’m saying don’t stay stuck in isolation!

There’s a powerful passage in 2 Samuel 23 that stands out to me.

“Next to him (David) was Shammah son of Agee the Hararite. When the Philistines banded together at a place where there was a field full of lentils, Israel’s troops fled from them. But Shammah took his stand in the middle of the field. He defended it and struck the Philistines down, and the Lord brought about a great victory.”

David was in a battle, it was intense and all of Israel's troops fled and left David in the middle of a field all alone, surrounded by the enemy.  

But there was Shammah...

He wasn't the guy who always told David, "I've got your back," but rather stood back to back with him when everyone else ran & they (together) brought about a victory.  

After this battle David could have mourned the loss of "all his friends" or he could have celebrated the victory he & the one friend who stood with him won.  

Personally, I think he chose the latter.  

Friend…we are only here on planet earth for a short time. I want to encourage you to do your best to try & be a good friend!  Ask God for wisdom & discernment so that you can truly say the friendships in your life are real & not based on anything except a true love for Jesus & one another.

Proverbs 18:24 “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.”

God bless you!

Thoughts This Evening

THOUGHTS THIS EVENING...

(1) Never take for granted those you love. Call or hug someone today in your family or friendship circle & let them know how much you care.

(2) I learned first hand that you don't get a revelation about life, until you sniff death. Then, you don't take life for granted! Everyday is a gift.

(3) Let people know how valuable they are to you. Don't take for granted that they know. Everyone can't read between the lines. Say it & say it often.

(4) Set your heart to forgive others long before you have to. That way you'll minimize the struggle when someone's selfishness hurts you.

(5) I have learned to love people up close & from a distance. Access to your life is a privilege...not a right. Keep loving, but learn who to let in close & who to love with your eyes open.

(6) Joseph survived lies, betrayal, rejection & hurt, but he CHOSE to forgive without receiving an apology. Choose to forgive & love.

(7) God is preparing a table before you in the presence of those who mocked you, kicked you, wrote you off & believed a lie. Go ahead & eat without an apology.

(8) What JESUS did in the Garden of Gethsemane was extraordinary! He established His YES, survived betrayal & healed an enemy's ear. Who will be healed by your wounds?

(9) May you be HEALED, entirely, as you receive the Word of God into your spirit.

🙌🏽

#LetMeHearFromYou 👂🏽

Discussing The VALUE of true COVENANT Relationship

A True Friend Sticks By You Like Family

Stand by those you care about in their darkest moments, not because you want to stand in the dark, but because you don’t want them to either.  Brave the shadows alongside them until they’re able to find the light of hope.  On the flipside, stand by these same people on their sunniest days, not because you want to scorch your skin, but because you’re not afraid to let them shine bright!

In other words, be loyal.  Remaining faithful in your covenant relationships is never an option, but a priority.  Loyalty means the world to the people who love you.  When someone believes in you enough to lift you up, try not to let them down.  You can’t promise to be there for someone for the rest of their life, but you can sincerely be there for them for the rest of yours.

Do a favor and win a friend forever; nothing can untie that bond. Words satisfy the mind as much as fruit does the stomach; good talk is as gratifying as a good harvest. Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose. Find a good spouse, you find a good life— and even more: the favor of GOD! The poor speak in soft supplications; the rich bark out answers. Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family. (Proverbs 18:19-24 MSG)

12 Things About Friendship

The older I get the more I realize the value of friendship.  I love meeting new people and developing those friendships.  However, I've come to realize that it's less important for me to have MORE friends and more important for me to have REAL ONES.

The Scriptures tell us that "a man that hath friends, shows himself friendly." (Proverbs 18:24)

I'm not sure who said it, but I remember hearing that LIFE is kind of like a party.  You invite a lot of people, some leave early, some stay all night, some laugh with you, some laugh at you and some show up really late.  But in the end, after the fun, there are a few who stay to help you clan up the mess.  And most of the time, they aren't even the ones who made the mess. These people are your REAL FRIENDS in life.  They are the ones who probably matter the most. 

Do you need some real friends?  Then throw a party and see who shows up!  No, seriously - the truth is we simply need to BE A FRIEND and we'll end up with some great friends in our life.

1. Friends face life together.  Anyone who really knows you and loves you will be able to identify with what you're going through.  They are able to discern the pain in your eyes when everyone else sees the smile on your face.  A real friend will help you face the problems of life. 

• A friend loves at all times, and is born, as is a brother, for adversity.  Proverbs 17:17

2. Friends give from a caring heart.  Sadly, many people choose friends based on what they can GET from the other person rather than what they can GIVE.  We all want to be around someone who will make us feel good.  However, the only way a REAL RELATIONSHIP will last and bring us long-term joy is when we approach our relationships as a place we go to GIVE and not just a place we go to TAKE.  It's not wrong to take something from a relationship as long as both friends are practicing "give & take."

• No one has greater love [no one has show stronger affection] than to lay down (give up) his own life for his friends. John 15:13 

3. Friends spend time together.  We can't live in the virtual world of facebook, twiiter, etc., and expect social media time to establish a REAL RELATIONSHIP.  Real relationships require FACE TIME...NOT facebook!  If you have to fight for a spot in someone's schedule than perhaps there's no room for you in their life.  Never force someone to make a space in their life for you, because if they truly care about you, they will create one for you.

• The man of many friends [a friend of all the world] will prove himself a bad friend, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24

4. Friends share open communication. The only way a friendship will last is if it has great communication.  You have to be able to "talk it out" rather than keep it "bottled up."  Real relationships allow for open communication about real feelings.

• Oil and perfume rejoice the heart; so does the sweetness of a friends counsel that comes from the heart. Proverbs 27:9

5. Friends love you for who you are.  Acceptance is very important in any relationship.  Trying to change a person never works.  People know when they are not accepted in their entirety - and it hurts.  A real friend is someone who truly knows you and loves you just the same.  Don't change so people will like you.  Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.  If you feel like changing something about your friend, ask yourself what change you can make in yourself instead.

• As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. Proverbs 27:17

6. Friends find middle ground. Real friends meet in the middle.  Even if there's a disagreement, they work out a solution that works for both.  Friendship is all about being willing to find middle ground rather than a need for the other person to change or completely give in.

• If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him - work it out between the two of you.  If he listens, you've made a friend. Matthew 18:15

7. Friends believe in you.  We all need someone in our life that will believe in us and be willing to show it through their words and deeds.  Regardless of your upbringing - functional or dysfunctional - studies show that if you grew up having someone in your life that believed in you - you are more likely to be happy and successful.  Believing in someone can extend to supporting their dreams, passions and hobbies.  Believing in them will also trigger participating with them, cheering for them and being a voice of encouragement.  Even if you never achieve a certain goal, just knowing that someone believes in you will push you forward towards that goal.

• Without good direction, people lose their way; the more wise counsel you follow, the better your chances. Proverbs 11:14 

8. Friends love you when you're unlovely.  No one is happy all the time.  A friend will have a realistic expectation of you.  A friend will understand when you need space or just an ear to listen. They understand the parameters of the relationships and will seek to give you extra grace when you aren't being very graceful.  

• Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes and fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. 1 Corinthians 13:7 

9. Friends will listen to what you're really saying.  People don't need lots of advice, they need a listening ear and some positive reinforcement.  Most of the time, when we share our heart with a friend, we aren't looking for an answer, we're looking for an outlet to think out loud, breathe and even explore ideas in a safe environment.  Giving a person a voice, and showing them that their words matter, will have a long-lasting impact on them.

• Understand [this], my beloved brethren. Let every man be quick to hear [a ready listener], slow to speak, slow to take offense and to get angry. James 1:19

10. Friends seek to honor one another.  Everyday we have the opportunity to make our relationships sweeter and deeper by making small gestures to show our appreciation and affection.  A simple smile can change someone's day.  Kindness and gratitude matters.  It's all too easy to take someone for granted - it's very important (in any relationship) that we notice all the wonderful things people do and then let them know that they are appreciated.

• Love one another with brotherly affection [as members of one family], giving precedence and showing honor to one another. Romans 12:10

11. Friends keep their word.  Our word means everything.  If we say we're going to do something...then we need to DO IT.  If we say we're going to be somewhere...then BE THERE.  If we can't, won't and don't then DON'T LIE!  Real friends keep promises and tell the truth upfront.

• But he who keeps (treasures) His Word [who bears in mind His precepts, who observes His message in its entirety], truly in him has the love of and for God been perfect (completed, reached maturity).  By this we may perceive (know, recognize, and be sure) that we are in Him: 1 John 2:5

12. Friends stick around like a bad penny.  The reality of friendships today is that there are some people who will only be there for you as long as you have something they need.  When you no longer serve a purpose to them, they will leave.  The good news is, if you tough it out, you'll eventually weed these people out of your life and be left with some great people you can count on.  We rarely lose friends, we just gradually figure out who our real ones are.

• Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. Romans 14:19