Don't Date a "Playa!" (Ladies please read this!)

WARNING - You might be offended by the content of this blog.

We must educate ourselves if we're going to do better.  Ladies...really? Do I have to write a blog about this?  

First , allow me to address parents - WILL YOU PLEASE MONITOR YOUR CHILDREN?  Kids who are left to themselves will bring their parents much shame. (Proverbs 29:15)

• DO NOT let your child's boyfriend / girlfriend hang out with your child in their bedroom alone.  
• Are you kidding me?  You say, "I trust my child." Are you serious? Again I ask, are you serious? If you're allowing this...YOU ARE THE PROBLEM! Get a grip, drink a dose of reality and have someone slap you in the face to wake you up to the real world!
• DO NOT close the door on any room where your child and their boyfriend or girlfriend are...unless you are in that room with them!
• Keep all the doors open!  
• DO NOT let your children stay up all night texting one another!  
• Take the phone! In fact, read the text messages their sending and receiving.  If everything is honest and above reproach - they'll have no problem with you reading their messages.  If they throw a fit...ask yourself WHY? It's more than a matter of privacy or respect - YOU'RE NOT RAISING A HARLOT at your house!  You're raising a MAN or a WOMAN of GOD!  While you have them in your home...and while you're paying the bills...YOU BETTER TAKE YOUR RIGHTFUL PLACE and RULE YOUR HOUSE!  If you don't...your child, better yet - their boyfriend or girlfriend, will be running your house!

Now where was I?  Oh...

Ladies...

• Never date a man who treats you like a used Kleenex. You deserve better. You are a Proverbs 31 woman! He don't deserve you.
• Any man who won't open your car door - won't open his heart to you either.  Kick that "player" to the curb and set yourheart on JESUS! Matthew 6:33
• Don't settle for dysfunctional behavior. It's not acceptable to be treated like trash. You are not a punching bag!
• Fall in love with JESUS - He'll send you the right man in His time. Until then, pour your tears on His feet in worship!
• Will Abigail please rise up? Never marry a fool. (1 Samuel 25:25)
• Some men will say anything to tickle your ears. But, if they don't respect you, your parents or your convictions - You better throw Jonah over!
• A man who will embarrass you publicly has no respect for you. Imagine what he'll do in private? Throw Jonah over before you sink!

Ladies...

• Steer clear of the following...
1. The "Negavator" - This guy has more pick up lines than a box of tic-tacs.  His name is Mysterio and he wears a dumb looking hat - trying to be cool.  This guy will try to make you fall for him by PUTTING YOU DOWN!  He's the "Negavator" and he enjoys making snippy remarks about you that make you feel like an inch tall.  Somehow he has the ability to put you down and keep you in his pocket all at the same time.  His spirit will jump off on you and you'll end up turning into a "Negavator" too!  You'll end up being rude to all your family and friends in the process!  (The same people who have put up with your junk and know you!)
2. The "Serial Texter" - Look...I love to text too...however, there comes a point when a guy has to pick up the phone and make the effort to TALK WITH YOU!  The Serial Texter keeps you at arm's length with his magical texting device (aka, his iPhone, blackberry, etc) which he uses as a means to avoid any real conversation. 
3. The "Back pocket" guy - this is the guy who keeps you in his back pocket for a rainy day; who doesn't remember your birthday, but calls you after someone else dumps him!  And unfortunately, some girls come running whenever he calls, secretly hoping that this time he'll realize he loves you!  Really though, he has a draft text to another girl saved just in case you aren't available. 
4. The "Mind Bender" - this guy is from another planet.  His sole purpose is to bend your mind through manipulation. He'll convince you that you're the only one for him, even though he's dating 10 other girls...and one of them is your best friend.  He'll use his powers of mind persuasion to get you to run his errands, walk his dog and do his laundry while he sits on the couch playing video games and texting ex-girlfriends.  He'll make you think you're crazy for thinking he's cheating on you with his powers of DOUBLE-TALK and GUILT TRIPS.  Even when you finally break up with him, he'll try to make you think that he's the one who has been wronged.  Kick this GOOF BALL to the curb and keep on going!
5. "Two Face" - this guy is like sweet and sour chicken at Panda Express!  One minute he's nice the next minute he's mean.  He knows how to whisper sweet nothings (and that's what they really are) in your ear to try to get you to like him - but when he's with his friends in public he acts like you're the bubonic plague.  He won't let you get to know his family or friends and nearly every word out of his mouth is a lie.  He's so good at spinning lies, his lies have little lies inside of them like Russian nesting dolls. 
6. The "Under Cover" guy - this guy will be around one minute and then disappear for days, weeks on end, only to resurface like nothing happened.  You'd think he's with the C.I.A. deep under cover!  It's more glamorous to think that than what he's actually doing - sitting at home playing Xbox and ignoring your calls.
7. The "Ish" guy - this guy can never make any firm plans.  He says, "I'll see you Tuesday"ish" or Wednesday"ish" (That "ish" means sometime between 6 months from now and never). The "ish" guy can use his favorite saying for anything.  "When was your birthday?  I want to say "May-ish?"  I love "you-ish."  His lack of commitment for even small things is an indicator he's not for you!

Ladies...

• Do not date losers.  In fact, you should only date BELIEVERS!  Guys who are SOLD OUT to Jesus!  Guys who weep when they worship God!  Guys who want to talk about Jesus more than themselves!  Guys who lift their hands in worship and carry their Bible!  Guys who don't cuss and talk nasty!  Guys who KNOW HOW TO TREAT A WOMAN OF GOD!
• Do not spend the night with a man you're not married to!  Who do you think you're fooling? If you go on a trip with a man you're not married to...you'll end up sharing a bed and having sex.  You aren't fooling anyone.  IT'S CALLED FORNICATION.  IT WILL SEND YOU TO HELL. Keep yourself PURE!  Remain a VIRGIN until your WEDDING NIGHT!  That's what God wants for you!  Have something to offer your future husband!  Honestly, once a guy has been with a girl and she's yielded to his pressures - he has LITTLE RESPECT for her at that point!
• THINK ABOUT YOUR FUTURE! If you're one of those girls who can't stand to be alone...and you feel you have to have a man... you'll more than likely be the girl that gets hurt and messes up her future because she thought a man could fulfill her.  When in truth, NO MAN can validate your worth!  
• Seek God for who He wants you to be with.  Settle in your heart that you are CONTENT to be married to Christ!  THEN...He will give you someone that has prepared themselves the same way!  The worst thing you could do is settle for the first guy that comes along and think that this is the only guy who will ever like you.  LADIES - there are plenty of fish in the sea!  God will send out a fishing boat to reel him in when it's time!  

I know this blog is bold...however, I GRIEVE at the dysfunction I see in our society and even in the church world.  GOD HELP US!  We must DO BETTER!  Our children's future depends on it!  

I am committed to laying an ax to the ROOT...for I grow tired dealing with the symptoms.  I'm sure someone was offended by this blog...I have no intention to hurt anyone's feelings...my heart is to SAVE this next generation from DYSFUNCTION!  

Committed to raising up the next generation,

Russell Hylton

SAVED and SINGLE

So, you've been telling God, "I'm single."  Guess what?  He already knows.  If you're single and desire to be married...my advice to you at this very moment is EMBRACE THIS SEASON, ask the Lord to GROW you and SHOW you the areas where you need to be a better follower of Him.  Also, ask Him to prepare you for your future mate.

If God was a Genie in a bottle and granted you a mate at this very moment...what would that mate say about you? One of two things..."thank you Lord" or "why me Lord?"  Asking the Lord to refine you or shape you as a single will make you a better spouse.


When it comes to dating, certainly there needs to be parameters.  If you don't set some parameters now...it will be too late when the hour of temptation is staring you in the face.


#1 No Negotiation!

• Truth be told, the ladies will have to deal with this first.  She starts out telling her friends and family that she's looking for Mr. Right.  However, she can easily settle for Mr. Right Now when she looks in her closet and sees that she has been a bridesmaid 25 times and never the bride.
• Ladies...do not negotiate away your principles!  
• If you're having to defend the guy you are dating, then you already know you've drifted away from your standard.  
• By the way, if a man is not pursuing you in a GODLY manner...then TELL JONAH TO GET OFF YOUR BOAT!  
• He has no business touching you inappropriately! You are a TREASURE...not a TRAMP!
• Fight for your PURITY!  If a man won't fight with you for purity before you are married, then there is a greater chance they won't fight for purity after you are married.
• If they are trying to get you to compromise with what God's Word says so clearly before marriage...what makes you think they won't do the same even after marriage?

#2 Keep your head on straight!

• If you think for a moment that marriage will solve the struggles you're facing right now while you're dating...you are dead wrong!  Marriage is a MAGNIFIER!  Whatever is a small deal right now when you're dating will be an even bigger issue once your enter into COVENANT RELATIONSHIP! 
• You better make sure this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.  
• Keep your head on your shoulders and think this through!!!
• You cannot change them...you are not the Holy Spirit.
• If you have to defend him/her to the people who know you, love you and love Jesus...then check your spirit immediately!
• If you avoid talking about him/her in front of the people in your life that you know may disapprove of the relationship for some reason then perhaps God is trying to make it obvious through others that you need to rethink this relationship.

#3 Slow Down!

• What's the hurry?  If you're going to enter into a GODLY relationship with the person God has prepared for you...then why rush?  
• Time is the great leveler...if this is not the person God wants you to be with you'll find out in the stretch.  
• Anyone can fool anyone for a short period of time.  It's in the process of time that the newness of the relationship will wear off and you'll find out if what you have is the real deal or not.  
• If they lie to you before you are married, then they will lie to you in marriage.
• If you cannot confront them about issues without them losing their temper...they'll do the same thing when you're married...but worse!
• If you discover they've been unfaithful...guess what??? They'll continue to be unfaithful once you're married.
• When couples are in a rush to get married it is usually because they are trying to hide something from the other person or because they just want to have sex!

#4 Be Yourself!

• Who are you kidding?  Trying to be someone you're not will only end in a train wreck.  Be yourself.  Tell the truth about who you are...period.  If you are lying about who you are to date someone...you need to break up today!  
• Be honest and do not enter any relationship lying just so you can be with that person.
• If you're afraid to break up because you would feel insecure...then you've allowed yourself to be identified by the person you're dating rather than WHO YOU ARE in Christ!

#5 Steer clear of people who have a worse track record than you!

• Find people who are successful in a marriage relationship and ask them for advice.  
• Why in the world would you ask a single person for marriage advice?  Why would you ask someone who has been through three marriages how to have a relationship?  
• Friends, we need to do more than read a book on relationships or quote a few Scriptures!  
• If you want to know how to have a successful relationship...ask those who have one.

As you consider dating...I want to encourage you to set your standard high.  In fact, if you don't see yourself marrying this person...you shouldn't date them.  You can find plenty of fellowship  from your friends at church to keep you company...who will also help keep your testimony in tact.

Hello, my name is SINGLE

Do you have to be married to experience loving relationships? If so, our country would be in sad shape as a considerable percentage of adults today are single - either having never married,  are divorced or widowed.  And, of course, the high percentage of divorces testifies to the fact that marriage, in and of itself, doesn't guarantee satisfaction - oft times just the opposite.  So, the answer is NO...you don't have to be married to find fulfillment and happiness.  In fact, nobody except me can make me happy.  Happiness basically comes from within.


I believe that unless we have learned how to live fulfilled, contented and happy lives as singles, we are not likely to find fulfilling relationships or make healthy marriage partners should we decide to marry.  Looking for someone else to meet our unmet needs and fill the void caused by unresolved personal issues is a recipe for relational disaster.  We must fix us...before we are free to enjoy  loving, lasting and healthy relationships...with anyone.


If you have chosen a single life or have been pushed into one by circumstances beyond your control, the question is, as a single, "How do you find fulfillment and satisfaction in light of the fact that  we have been created for relationships?"


#1 Commit to growing Emotionally & Spiritually.

• Don't stop learning.  Attend conferences, retreats and seminars.  Invest in yourself!  As you are open to learn, you will be improving your skills...even relational ones.  You'll build a healthy positive self-image that could be your best possible preparation for success.

#2 Take care of your Physical well-being.

• Don't go crazy...but stick to a healthy diet and get sufficient rest, relaxation and exercise. 

#3 Keep your Conscience clear.

• A guilty conscience can destroy your peace of mind.  Make wrongs right.  Be quick to apologize and genuinely ask for forgiveness.   If you're carry negative feelings toward someone, quickly resolve them.  Resentment and nursing grudges is another sure-fire way to destroy peace of mind and damage physical health.

#4 Guard your Character.

• How many stories do we read about in the newspaper of politicians, business professionals, etc., who abandon their moral and ethical standards for the sake of personal gain of one kind or another?  Do your best to uphold these principles:
• Trustworthiness
• Respect
• Responsibility
• Fairness
• Caring
• Citizenship
• Integrity
• Personal honesty
• Humility

#5 Understand your Gifts and Talents.

• God has gifted you with some amazing talents!  Find out what they are and begin to develop them.  You'll find that whatever you're good at...God can use to fulfill His purpose for your life.  It's not what you do with your gift...it's what happens in you when you use your gift.

#6 Become a better Communicator.

• Are your emotions getting the best of you?  Learn how to get in touch with your emotions, be transparent and be honest about how you feel.  However, once you begin to open your feelings, avoid lashing out and hurting others.  "Speak the truth in love."  Avoid playing the blame game.  Accept responsibility for your feelings, actions and reactions.  How we respond is always our responsibility and to the degree that we overreact, that is always our problem.  One of the major causes for impaired relationships is the inability to communicate constructively and a tendency to blame others for our overreactions and for causing our personal problems.

#7 Get your needs met Legitimately.

• High on our list is getting our social needs met.  We may be able to live happily or contentedly without romantic relationships but we can't live healthily without healthy relationships.  One of the best ways to get social needs met is to go to places where you can meet the kind of friends you wish to associate with and do things together.
• Keep in mind that we have a need for several areas of interaction. 
• Intellectual - the sharing of thoughts and ideas.
• Social - being with and sharing social times with friends.
• Emotional - an honest sharing of feelings with trusted friends.
• Spiritual - relating to and staying in fellowship with God and others who have similar goals and interests.
• When we get our intellectual, social, emotional and spiritual needs met sufficiently, it greatly compensates for the absence of sexual interaction.
• We have two ministries at BFWC geared to minister to singles:
• Elevate (singles ministry) elevate@bfwc.net 
• SMOCK (single moms) smock@bfwc.net 

#8 Serve others.

• Get involved in your local church.  Teach, serve, give, volunteer, lead etc.  
• You will find great fulfillment serving in the body of Christ.
• I am confident you'll find peace, contentment, fulfillment and satisfaction in your singleness as you give your life away.

I think the next blog on singleness will include some helpful tips on WHO NOT TO DATE!  If this is something you think needs to be addressed...please let me know.

Ephesians 5:2 "And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling savor."