#3 The Big Deal About Rejection, Disloyalty and Betrayal

I've been sharing in these series of posts the difficulties you sometimes encounter in ministry.

Ministry is NOT a bed of roses, tip-toeing through the tulips, or cloud nine headed for ten.

Truth be known...there are some REAL difficulties when you're serving in ministry.  The good news is that there are more UPS than DOWNS...but how you HANDLE the difficulties that come your way will either catapult you forward or bring you to a snail's pace.

If you're going to be in the ministry...you WILL deal with Rejection, Disloyalty and Betrayal.

We are all natured to TRUST.  Children trust their parents.  Husbands trust their wives.  Wives trust their husbands. Students trust their teachers. Etc.

But what if you trust and that trust is broken? 
What if you are judged falsely without proper evidence? 
What if people assume that gossip is true? 
What if people talk about you behind your back while being friendly to your face? 
What if you are betrayed by someone who exposed every fault you had?

Jesus was betrayed with a kiss. (Luke 22:48)

Betrayal is an end time sign. (Matthew 24:10)

Learning to handle it means to go THROUGH it and not be bitter...to have NO UNFORGIVENESS, to pray for those who hurt you.

It's one thing to PREACH it...it's another to DO it.

Believe me...the longer you serve in ministry...the more JUNK you'll have to deal with. 

• You will be talked about behind your back. 
• You will be the topic of dinner. 
• You will be ostracized by those who are offended at your decisions.  Everyone has an opinion...especially those who never lift a finger to help you.
• You will pour your life into people, give them opportunities, make personal investments in them only to be kicked to the curb when they decide they no longer need covered or they no longer want to remain accountable.

But you cannot lose your joy because people make bad choices or are out of alignment with Scripture and Biblical protocol.  You must simply cling to the truth of the Scriptures, pray, love and move forward. 

In twenty five years of ministry, I've learned that you cannot take things personal.  Sure it's difficult...but it is possible. If Jesus could handle rejection, disloyalty and betrayal...then we can too.

65 things I've learned and am still learning:

1. Keep your record clean.
2. Stay undercover.
3. Remain accountable.
4. Don't be a know-it-all.
5. Be flexible...you will be flexed.
6. Give 100% with undiluted excellence.
7. Always cover your leaders.
8. Go above and beyond...don't wait to be asked...show initiative.  Laziness is unbecoming in leadership.
9. Your exit must be blessed for your entrance to be blessed.  A seamless garment is required.
10. If you make a mess of things...own up to it, receive correction and accept the consequences.
11. Plan ahead.
12. Geography won't fix what's wrong inside of me.
13. Pray more.
14. Be systematic in studying the Word of God.
15. Fast.  Kill the flesh and master it.
16. Be peaceable.
17. Remember, as a leader, you'll always be the target for criticism.
18. Consider the source of criticism...some folks hate ya' cause they ain't ya. 
19. Stay on the wall...if you come down to put out the fires of gossip, they'll light them faster than you can put them out.
20. Celebrate the small victories.
21. Read good books.
22. Dream big dreams and imagine the impossible.
23. Love people regardless.
24. You don't have to defend yourself.
25. Be classy not trashy.
26. Seek counsel from your spiritual covering before you make major decisions.
27. Remember that you represent Jesus and don't want to do anything to mar His name.
28. Invest in the kingdom of God.  You can't expect others too...if you don't.
29. Lead by example.
30. Learn how to keep your mouth shut and remain silent.  A fool utters his whole mind.
31. Learn how to handle the relationships God sends you.  Don't be a gossip and don't undermine your ability to lead.
32. If you shoot yourself in the foot with a loose mouth ... you will lose your ability to lead.
33. If God gives you a second chance...don't blow it...again!
34. Don't blame other people for the mess you caused.
35. Spend time with older people - glean from their wisdom.
36. Eliminate debt from your life.
37. Tithe don't tip.  It's not considered a tithe unless it's 10%.
38. Don't hang out in every one's home 24/7.  Familiarity breeds contempt.  God knows what you're able to handle. 
39. Don't burn bridges...you may need them to cross back over again.
40. Take a day off.
41. Repeat #23
42. Put systems in place that will eliminate negativity.
43. Listen to your wife.  She has a good read on people.
44. Have a hobby.  You need an outlet that doesn't have to be church related.
45. Smile.
46. Keep your word.
47. Be transparent.
48. Remain focused on your vision.
49. Send thank you notes.
50. Watch your attitude.
51. Change your vocabulary.  Speak faith.
52. Pay little attention to the odds.
53. Keep a sense of humor.
54. Learn from your mistakes.
55. Don't give up.
56. See the big picture.
57. Believe in people.
58. Encourage people
59. Share with people.
60. Trust people.
61. Exhibit consistency.
62. Add significance.
63. Establish a support system.
64. Seek to understand before being understood.
65. Believe the best in people...give them many chances.

Characteristics of Loyalty:

• Loyalty is adjusting our schedules to meet the needs of those we are serving.
• Loyalty is being reliable messengers to those we are serving.
• Loyalty is knowing and following the wishes of those we are accountable to.
• Loyalty is standing with those whom we are serving in their time of need.

Characteristics of Disloyalty:

• Possess an independent spirit.
• Desires personal recognition from the leader.
• Exalts the importance of his own ideas above the leaders ideas.
• Develops a critical attitude toward spiritual leaders.
• Distorts the views of his or her spiritual leader.
• Gives recognition to others who are dissatisfied.
• Justifies his opposition to spiritual leaders.
• Emphasizes minor points.
• Will form a splinter group, which may then evolve into a renegade ministry.

When your ministry is undercover, seamless and in alignment, you won't have to prove who you are or seek to affirm yourself.  Your fathers will affirm and validate you.  That affirmation alone will carry you through tough seasons when you face rejection, disloyalty and betrayal.

I wouldn't trade anything for my covering.

#2 The Big Deal About Seasons of Silence

When God begins to transform you into the leader He has called you to be, you will go through SEASONS of SILENCE - times when God hides you away to deal with the foundation of your heart. 

What do you do when God is silent and you feel left out?  How do you react during those times? 

I can definitely point to specific times in my life when God seemingly HID me in silence.  Times where I began to question my calling and the vision He had birthed in my heart.

If I've learned anything from those experiences, I've learned NOT TO GIVE UP.

When God anoints you, He calls you to do those things that the ORDINARY person cannot do.  If He calls you...He will qualify you.

It is CARNAL to give up...but it is GODLY to press on! 

Paul tells us in Galatians 6:9 "Be not weary in well doing, for in DUE SEASON you shall reap IF you faint not!"

Peter tells us "...humble yourselves...under the mighty hand of God, that in DUE TIME He may exalt you." (1 Peter 5:6)

Even John the Baptist dealt with SEASONS of SILENCE:

• Luke 1:76-80  ⁷⁶And thou, child, shalt be called the prophet of the Highest: for thou shalt go before the face of the Lord to prepare his ways; ⁷⁷To give knowledge of salvation unto his people by the remission of their sins, ⁷⁸Through the tender mercy of our God; whereby the dayspring from on high hath visited us, ⁷⁹To give light to them that sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace. ⁸⁰And the child grew, and waxed strong in spirit, and was in the deserts till the day of his showing unto Israel.

Jesus had SEASONS of SILENCE:

• At His dedication (Luke 2:21-22, 39-40)
• The next time we hear of Jesus, He is 12 years old (Luke 2:41-52)
• The next time we hear of Him, He is 30 and beginning His public ministry.

There will be times when you are HIDDEN away so that the FORMATION of your FOUNDATION can take place.

When God "called" me - I was 15 years old. 

• I didn't immediately run to the State of Ohio and apply for my own 501C3 to establish a not for profit organization or file to incorporate "myself." 
• I didn't hire a marketing firm, manager, agent or road crew. 
• I didn't try to get booked on Daystar or TBN.
• I didn't establish a website with FREE gift offers.
• I wasn't old enough to drive.
• I still had GI JOE action figures.
• I didn't have a clue what I was doing.
• I had just experienced an incredible GOD ENCOUNTER...but didn't know how to interpret it or where to go from there.
• I didn't actually "PREACH" until a year later...and even then I had no clue what to do, where to go, how to develop or how to HONE my ear to God's voice.

IT TOOK TIME!

From the time of your calling to the fulfillment of that call...you will experience SEASONS of SILENCE. 

• I now realize that those were the QUALIFYING years of my life.
• The years where God put people in my life to SHAPE me, CORRECT me and HELP me deal with my JUNK.
• They were trying to get me over the hump of pride, dysfunction and a misaligned mindset.
• Thank God for those people!
• Thank God they still speak in my life.
• Thank God I heeded to their counsel...lest I be a renegade, a loose cannon and one of those classic examples of "what not to do."

Every leader MUST go through SEASONS of SILENCE.  It's during that time...

• Your character will be tested.
• Your motives will be tested.
• Your tenacity will be tested.

Whatever you are...will show up during your SEASON of SILENCE.

#1 The Big Deal About Loneliness in Ministry

Deal with it! 
Quit whining!
Grow up!

Wow...that's tough to hear when you're navigating through the difficulties of ministry.  I don't care how long you've been in ministry, how seasoned you are or how tough you think you are...NO ONE enjoys dealing with JUNK...especially me.

However, I met a pastor one time who told me that he enjoys conflict.  He seemed to have a sparkle in his eyes when he talked about personality conflicts and turmoil.  He seemed to live for a good fight.

NOT ME...I enjoy peace.  I like to lay my head on my pillow at night in rest. To me, conflict is no fun and it certainly isn't easy to deal with when you're physically or emotionally drained.  Dealing with junk gets old. However, conflict is inevitable. 

Ministry has ups and downs.  Bottom line...sometimes it's just plain difficult. 

BUT the good news is that God teaches you something through every situation that adds value to your life and catapults you to the next level.

We could talk about lots of things that add stress to the ministry...lying, gossip, disrespect, disloyalty, sin, pride, rebellion, fornication, adultery, laziness, disunity, and more...but I want to share some things with you that I've learned over the years that have helped me to keep going even in the face of difficulty.

Every leader will DEAL with:

LONELINESS

• We've all heard the phrase..."it's lonely at the top?"  Although we shouldn't attempt to do ministry alone...there are times when the leader will have to stand alone. 

Leadership can be and often is lonely. 

• Every leader desires to have friends and yet, we cannot allow a spirit of "familiarity" to come upon those God has placed under our leadership.
• I've learned that you must beware of becoming "entangled" in the lives of those in whom you're leading.
• Becoming too familiar will cause most people to no longer be able to see you as the leader.  They will begin to see that you are human; and although in one way they want you to be so, in another way they are disappointed if you are.
• In ministry, especially as a pastor, you have to look for "divine connections" when it comes to friendships.  We all need friends, but those friends need to fall into two categories:
• Friends in ministry - people doing the same thing I am doing.
• Friends outside of ministry - people who do not work for me and are not directly involved with my ministry.
• Honestly, there have been a couple of times that I've made the mistake of trying to be a "best" friend with some guys and it didn't work out.

Loneliness can come from being misunderstood.

• Even Jesus' family didn't understand Him - they thought he was out of His mind. (Mark 3)
• His disciples didn't really understand Him or His call.
• John the Baptist understood Him more than anyone and even he said, "are you the one or do we look for another?"
• Jesus knows what it's like to be MISUNDERSTOOD.  Hebrews 4:15 "We have a High Priest who understands us and our weaknesses and infirmities."

If you've been called by God...you are different!

• There will be times that you don't feel like you fit in.
• You will feel misunderstood.
• Only Jesus will be able to figure you out.

Jesus could not totally open up His life to anyone.

• John 2:24-25 24But Jesus did not commit himself unto them, because he knew all men, 25And needed not that any should testify of man: for he knew what was in man.

People who are not called to what you are called to will not be able to understand your responsibility level.

• Matthew 26:40 ⁴⁰And he cometh unto the disciples, and findeth them asleep, and saith unto Peter, What, could ye not watch with me one hour?

It's easy for people to say, "Cast your care," when they do not carry your burden.

It's easy for people to say, "Laugh more and have fun," when they are not the ones who need to prepare for meetings, training, conferences and pastoral duties.

You'll be bombarded with requests, phone calls, emails and more!  Sometimes it seems that everybody you get around wants something, needs something, expects something, has a question or needs counseling for an urgent decision.

THIS ONE THOUGHT HAS HELPED ME....
birds fly in flocks, but EAGLES fly alone!

Giant oak trees do not grow in clumps, they are usually by themselves, perhaps on a hill - and they look majestic!

Learning how to DEAL with loneliness will help you LAST in ministry.