Tuesday, October 4, 2011

#3 The Big Deal About Rejection, Disloyalty and Betrayal

I've been sharing in these series of posts the difficulties you sometimes encounter in ministry.

Ministry is NOT a bed of roses, tip-toeing through the tulips, or cloud nine headed for ten.

Truth be known...there are some REAL difficulties when you're serving in ministry.  The good news is that there are more UPS than DOWNS...but how you HANDLE the difficulties that come your way will either catapult you forward or bring you to a snail's pace.

If you're going to be in the ministry...you WILL deal with Rejection, Disloyalty and Betrayal.

We are all natured to TRUST.  Children trust their parents.  Husbands trust their wives.  Wives trust their husbands. Students trust their teachers. Etc.

But what if you trust and that trust is broken? 
What if you are judged falsely without proper evidence? 
What if people assume that gossip is true? 
What if people talk about you behind your back while being friendly to your face? 
What if you are betrayed by someone who exposed every fault you had?

Jesus was betrayed with a kiss. (Luke 22:48)
Betrayal is an end time sign. (Matthew 24:10)

Learning to handle it means to go THROUGH it and not be bitter...to have NO UNFORGIVENESS, to pray for those who hurt you.

It's one thing to PREACH it...it's another to DO it.

Believe me...the longer you serve in ministry...the more JUNK you'll have to deal with. 
  • You will be talked about behind your back. 
  • You will be the topic of dinner. 
  • You will be ostracized by those who are offended at your decisions.  Everyone has an opinion...especially those who never lift a finger to help you.
  • You will pour your life into people, give them opportunities, make personal investments in them only to be kicked to the curb when they decide they no longer need covered or they no longer want to remain accountable.
But you cannot lose your joy because people make bad choices or are out of alignment with Scripture and Biblical protocol.  You must simply cling to the truth of the Scriptures, pray, love and move forward. 

In twenty five years of ministry, I've learned that you cannot take things personal.  Sure it's difficult...but it is possible. If Jesus could handle rejection, disloyalty and betrayal...then we can too.

65 things I've learned and am still learning:
  1. Keep your record clean.
  2. Stay undercover.
  3. Remain accountable.
  4. Don't be a know-it-all.
  5. Be flexible...you will be flexed.
  6. Give 100% with undiluted excellence.
  7. Always cover your leaders.
  8. Go above and beyond...don't wait to be asked...show initiative.  Laziness is unbecoming in leadership.
  9. Your exit must be blessed for your entrance to be blessed.  A seamless garment is required.
  10. If you make a mess of things...own up to it, receive correction and accept the consequences.
  11. Plan ahead.
  12. Geography won't fix what's wrong inside of me.
  13. Pray more.
  14. Be systematic in studying the Word of God.
  15. Fast.  Kill the flesh and master it.
  16. Be peaceable.
  17. Remember, as a leader, you'll always be the target for criticism.
  18. Consider the source of criticism...some folks hate ya' cause they ain't ya. 
  19. Stay on the wall...if you come down to put out the fires of gossip, they'll light them faster than you can put them out.
  20. Celebrate the small victories.
  21. Read good books.
  22. Dream big dreams and imagine the impossible.
  23. Love people regardless.
  24. You don't have to defend yourself.
  25. Be classy not trashy.
  26. Seek counsel from your spiritual covering before you make major decisions.
  27. Remember that you represent Jesus and don't want to do anything to mar His name.
  28. Invest in the kingdom of God.  You can't expect others too...if you don't.
  29. Lead by example.
  30. Learn how to keep your mouth shut and remain silent.  A fool utters his whole mind.
  31. Learn how to handle the relationships God sends you.  Don't be a gossip and don't undermine your ability to lead.
  32. If you shoot yourself in the foot with a loose mouth ... you will lose your ability to lead.
  33. If God gives you a second chance...don't blow it...again!
  34. Don't blame other people for the mess you caused.
  35. Spend time with older people - glean from their wisdom.
  36. Eliminate debt from your life.
  37. Tithe don't tip.  It's not considered a tithe unless it's 10%.
  38. Don't hang out in every one's home 24/7.  Familiarity breeds contempt.  God knows what you're able to handle. 
  39. Don't burn bridges...you may need them to cross back over again.
  40. Take a day off.
  41. Repeat #23
  42. Put systems in place that will eliminate negativity.
  43. Listen to your wife.  She has a good read on people.
  44. Have a hobby.  You need an outlet that doesn't have to be church related.
  45. Smile.
  46. Keep your word.
  47. Be transparent.
  48. Remain focused on your vision.
  49. Send thank you notes.
  50. Watch your attitude.
  51. Change your vocabulary.  Speak faith.
  52. Pay little attention to the odds.
  53. Keep a sense of humor.
  54. Learn from your mistakes.
  55. Don't give up.
  56. See the big picture.
  57. Believe in people.
  58. Encourage people
  59. Share with people.
  60. Trust people.
  61. Exhibit consistency.
  62. Add significance.
  63. Establish a support system.
  64. Seek to understand before being understood.
  65. Believe the best in people...give them many chances.
Characteristics of Loyalty:
  • Loyalty is adjusting our schedules to meet the needs of those we are serving.
  • Loyalty is being reliable messengers to those we are serving.
  • Loyalty is knowing and following the wishes of those we are accountable to.
  • Loyalty is standing with those whom we are serving in their time of need.
Characteristics of Disloyalty:
  • Possess an independent spirit.
  • Desires personal recognition from the leader.
  • Exalts the importance of his own ideas above the leaders ideas.
  • Develops a critical attitude toward spiritual leaders.
  • Distorts the views of his or her spiritual leader.
  • Gives recognition to others who are dissatisfied.
  • Justifies his opposition to spiritual leaders.
  • Emphasizes minor points.
  • Will form a splinter group, which may then evolve into a renegade ministry.
When your ministry is undercover, seamless and in alignment, you won't have to prove who you are or seek to affirm yourself.  Your fathers will affirm and validate you.  That affirmation alone will carry you through tough seasons when you face rejection, disloyalty and betrayal.

I wouldn't trade anything for my covering.