Friday, August 19, 2011

My Friend...The Guardrail (Part 1)

When I was a kid my parents would take us to Kentucky to visit their families.  My Dad's family is from an area called "Rockhouse" and my mother's family is from an area called "Greasy Creek."  Both of these areas are in Pike County, Kentucky and each are nestled in the Appalachian mountains.

In those days (70's) the fastest way to reach both sides of the family was to travel across those mountains. At times, traveling was treacherous because the roads were dirt, filled with rocks and there were NO GUARDRAILS!  

Guardrails are designed to keep you from straying into a dangerous area.  Next time you drive on the interstate, see if you can guess how many miles those guardrails run.  Guardrails are there to keep you safe.

Now think of how God uses spiritual guardrails to guide and protect us.  I guess one way we could view it is that a guardrail is a "standard of behavior that becomes a matter of conscience." 

We need guardrails to keep us from ever going "too far" or from moving in a dangerous direction.

Guard your Friendships - We all need friends.  Friends shape us and help us grow.  However, there are times when you need to put a guard up to protect your future from unhealthy friendships.  Often, our biggest regrets are made in the company of our closest friends.

Proverbs 13:20 says, "Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm." 

Walk with the wise and become wise.  The warning is to avoid walking with fools.

We monitor our children's friendships for this very reason. Parents often can discern when something isn't "right" with a friendship and for that reason may not allow their children to spend time with certain kids in school. 

We must exercise the same caution as adults.

Guard your Marriage -  Couples need couples to fellowship with.  When you were single you had friends that followed you into your marriage.  Sometimes those friendships are with people of the opposite sex - making the relationship somewhat awkward.  Couples can have a difficult time finding couples with whom both you and your spouse get along well with.  Sometimes the husbands or wives do not mesh.  In other, potentially more confusing situations, the wife and husband within each couple may "click" more than the wife-wife or husband-husband.

I believe it is important for husbands and wives to each have a "same-gendered" friend for counsel and accountability.  The most important friendship is with GOD, then you and your spouse.  Protect your marriage at all costs!

Do you have guardrails in your life?  Here's some guardrails we should consider:

1. Direction - are the friends you run with moving in the same direction that you are?  If not, you may want to do something about it now rather than wait till there's a problem.  Perhaps you need to reach out and invest in additional or a new group of people.  Remember what Solomon said, "companions of fools will cause suffering and harm."

2. Be Yourself - if you're with a group of friends and inside your heart you know you're not "being yourself" when you're with them - then you are probably pretending to be someone you are not.  If you find yourself acting differently when you're around a certain group of people, then you may want to consider pulling back from these relationships.

3. No Compromise - Do the people you run with cause you to ignore your values or try to rationalize sin?  A true friend will point you in the direction of what is right, good and righteous. Some people end up going into clubs and bars that they would have declared as "off-limits" before.  We should FLEE sin and immorality, not see how close we can get.  If you're being put in a position to compromise than you are just TOO CLOSE!  You never know when things could get out of hand.  You could do something you regret or be guilty by association.

4. Godly Fear - this will spring up inside of you especially when you begin to think about the people you care about the most who would be shocked and saddened if they knew where you were, what your were doing or who you were doing it with.  Without Godly fear you will make your mind work overtime to try to conjure an excuse, explanation or rationalization to have readily available if needed.

The bottom line is we need to use WISDOM and seek to do what is RIGHT at all times.

What do you do when people you know crash through the guardrail?  Often we are reluctant to handle situations because of our relational connection with our friends and family.

We even tell ourselves "I'm just being a Christian and showing acceptance, compassion or love by staying in this relationship."  You may even think "But I really love these people...Jesus modeled that we should love people."

These are SLY LIES from the depths of Hell.  You are using compassion or love as an excuse for inaction.  You are lying to yourself.  This is not about your family and friends...it's about YOU!

NEVER confuse compassion and wisdom; they do not compete with each other.  Compassion should NEVER require you to make an UNWISE decision for yourself or in your friendships/relationships.

The best thing you can do in life is stay on the correct side of the guardrail.  This is where you MODEL CHRIST'S HEART.  When people "crash" or get "caught" in their sin...your friend will probably run to you first.  You will be the "go-to person".  It is in these moments where you have a true opportunity to witness with extraordinary wisdom, compassion, help, insight and love.  By withdrawing from the relationship(s), you allow yourself to be healthy and ready for these opportunities.

On a final note...GOD DOESN'T BLESS A MESS.  Be aware of the guardrails that our Heavenly Father has put in place.
  • Don't get mad at the guardrail - it's designed to keep you safe and could very well SAVE your life.