For years, I spent my time & energy trying to PUSH people into healthy, functional, edifying lifestyles.
I just believed the best in them. I believed they wanted it for themselves as much as I wanted it for them. After all, they came to me asking for help. They asked for advice. They asked for prayer. They asked for a covering. They asked for it...
However, I've learned through life's disappointments, let downs & dysfunction that "in the real world" you can't "make" someone "get it." You can only lead them to it. They have to decide for themselves that they want it & are willing to do what is necessary to achieve it.
7 Things I've Learned
1. Stop giving your valuable time to people who won't give you theirs.
- They always want a private appointment or a "word" with you in the hallway.
- Have them make an appointment, AFTER they've proven themselves faithful.
- Watch their attendance. If they can't be faithful to church...there's no amount of private counsel you can offer them.
- If they can't show up for PUBLIC assembly, don't give them PRIVATE audience.
2. If they don't know how to practice reciprocity, teach them. If they refuse to practice it. Move on.
- Not everyone is born with manners or common sense.
- Reciprocity is a mutual exchange.
- Jesus taught us, "Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you." (Luke 6).
- Some people will continue to let you "do" for them without ever lifting a finger to help you. That is unhealthy. If you allow it, you create dysfunction in the relationship.
- Stop it. Define the relationship. Expect it.
3. Pour into people who don't know everything.
- There was a time when we all had puppy feet. We walked in humility, even though we possessed competency.
- Sometimes, people get so full of themselves that they can no longer be added to.
- They act like they know everything and need no counsel. You can't add to them.
- In fact, God may have assigned you to them but you'll be limited to do anything with them because they think they're supposed to be adding to you.
- They are full of themselves and pride lieth at the door.
4. Don't cater to complainers & criticizers.
- If someone has a good outlook, helpful viewpoint or an opinion that could possibly improve the overall vision, listen to it objectively.
- Examine the spirit of the critique by examining the critic. But whatever you do, don't let people who are bent or skewed to your vision chew your ear.
- Believe me, people who complain a lot will never stop complaining. They'll find something else to criticize after this. It's in their uncrucified flesh nature to look for fault & mask it with "constructive criticism" when in truth they're a long ways from having Galatians 5:22-23 (Fruit of The Spirit) in full development in their life.
- Don't cater to them. Say, "next". Keep the line moving. God will send you people who choose to EDIFY rather than CRITICIZE.
- Also, it's interesting to note that the people who COMPLAIN the most usually do the LEAST. They have an opinion about EVERYTHING but they DO NOTHING.
- Don't give them your energy. Don't be bashful about telling them that you recognize how they operate and you're not going to let them have one more moment of your precious time. You may be the only person BOLD enough to speak the truth to them in love.
- Just because you're a Christian or a Pastor doesn't mean you're a door mat. Refuse to be one and refuse to let people think they can talk to you anyway they want to. It's out of order and unacceptable.
5. You can't build your church with church hoppers.
- Chances are if someone came to you with a mouthful about where they used to go...it won't be long till they're sitting at someone else's desk complaining about you too.
- Listen to what people say about those they used to work with. If they talk "bad" about them, they'll be talking about you the same way in a matter of time. (Usually after the honeymoon is over.)
- First of all, you shouldn't leave a church because of someone else's offense. If they want to be offended, don't let them talk you into leaving where God has assigned you. Let them be offended...but you continue to go to church.
- You NEVER decide to attend a church based on what the church can DO for YOU. It might be helpful if they have a dynamic kids ministry, worship team & outreach emphasis...but more importantly, you should be BOUGHT INTO THE VISION OF THE PASTOR/CHURCH. That's what will keep you when personalities shift.
- You should be operating like a SON not a HIRELING.
- Church HOPPERS jump around wherever they can get their next THRILL and FEEL IMPORTANT. They are ever in pursuit of the "right place." Truth is, God has probably tried to plant them but they keep uprooting themselves every time He allows a test in their life...to see what's in them.
- I have to chuckle, when a group of people end up migrating together. First, I think to myself, "God help that pastor...he/she don't know what they just inherited. Give it time, because it sure won't last, those people will pull their same shenanigans on that poor pastor too."
- I've seen it over and over and over. Birds of a feather flock together. Familiar spirits are attracted to each other. But it never lasts. It will be worse. Sadly, church hoppers do an incredible amount of damage to the body of Christ and sadly they can cause emotional and even physical harm to pastors/families. Be careful when you cause distress to a pastor. God takes this very seriously.
- That's why I know that BFWC is not for everyone. If someone is called to us...they will remain with us and more importantly they will conduct themselves CORRECTLY while they're here. I don't have time for cuckoo. People either line up or the pressure is too great to grow and they bail. I hate that but it's the truth.
6. Not everyone deserves access.
- I live my life in the open. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt and they alone have to prove me wrong. I don't go by other people's opinions of someone. I believe in giving everyone a fare shake.
- Access is a privilege not a right. To have it, you must respect boundaries and respect the person.
- I've learned that you are no longer required to give access to people who have broken trust with you. You can still love them from a distance and pray for them. But you don't have to give them immediate access into your life. In fact, I say, GUARD the door of access in your life.
- I don't say that from an eliteness attitude but rather from experience.
- You cannot afford to give everyone access. It's costly.
- When people lie to you or about you, you're not required to continue to give them access. You can forgive them but you don't have to give them access anymore.
7. Truth needs no defense & ignorance needs no response.
- If you know the truth, it doesn't matter what anyone else believes. God doesn't even need your help defending the truth...because it needs no defense. Just stand. God has a way of bringing things full circle.
- You don't have to respond to every misnomer, false information or fabricated story you hear. Just keep working the VISION God has given you. God will keep your path clear and keep the lying tongue of the devil clipped!
- Sadly, there will be people, even in the body of Christ, who will be used by the devil to speak about things they don't have truth about. They will be used to tear you down, discredit your vision and try to discourage others from believing in you...but here's the TRUTH...the devil is a lie! :)
- If they don't believe in the DREAM then why do they keep trying to kill the DREAMER?
- Some people "hate ya" because they "ain't ya!"
- Shake off every hater and keep it moving! :)
- I've learned that God will allow things to happen in your life that will prepare you for your next level. Trust the process...because believe me...GOD HAS SO MUCH MORE THAN YOU CAN ASK OR THINK! :)
Keep Loving
Keep Serving
Keep Giving
Keep Doing
Keep Teaching
Keep Preaching
Keep Leading
Keep Going
If the devil could have stopped you...he would have. The truth is...God had you and He wouldn't let the lying lips of the devil prevail! So today, get excited that God is turning things for your good!
God has already prepared a table before you in the presence of your enemies. He's already brought out the fine china...the best stemware and the silver utensils! I smell the OVENS of HEAVEN! I'm not sure what Heaven's baking...but it might be a Cuckoo bird! lol lol
Selah
