Thursday, February 4, 2016

I Raised The Rent On Toxic People

A few years ago, I decided to raise the rent on toxic people.  I raised it so high that they can no longer afford space in my life.  

Friends, you don't always know you're in a toxic relationship until one day you wake up with the reality that you're being used for what you can do for someone else. It suddenly becomes crystal clear that you are being manipulated by intimidation and control.

Sadly, there are people who will use you to get what they want...whether it's financial support, association or recognition.  I've witnessed first hand people who used their relationship with me to gain financial support.  They said they loved me, but in truth they loved what I could do for them and when I no longer was willing to do for them, they parted ways.

Based on your personality type, you might be the giver in your relationships.  I've learned that people who are takers will let you continue to be the giver while they keep taking.  

I don't think it's wrong to be a giver but I do feel that giving needs to be reciprocated or it will become one sided very quickly...and that is out of balance. I also think you have to learn how to discern when you're being taken advantage of and stand up for yourself.

It wasn't until that I had the epitome that I was being taken advantage of, in multiple ways, that I decided to make a clean break.  Friends, that decision has gained me so much health! Sure, it was hard to let go of what I was used to...because, admittedly, I am a person that feels secure with familiarity. But it was absolutely necessary! No matter what I seemingly lost, to some, the reality is that I gained more than I have ever experienced in my entire life.

Here's what I had to do...

1. Keep it moving.

  • Not everyone deserves access in your life.  Once you decide to remove toxicity from your environment, it becomes a lot easier to breath.  You just have to come to the place where you determine...enough is enough!  Letting go of people doesn't mean that you hate them, or that you wish them harm; it simply means you care about your own well-being.
2. Stop pretending.
  • Don't ignore the signs of toxicity. Toxic people will wear you down with their demands and moodiness and it may seem like it's easier to let them have their way than to deal with their aftermath but the truth is they're not going to change when you constantly reward them for NOT changing.
3. Stand up for yourself.
  • Some people will make you feel like you're a bad person because you simply refuse to tolerate their expense any longer.  This is where manipulation and intimidation can slip in. They will begin to over talk you, corner you into seeing things their way or false accuse you and try to convince you that you are wrong.  However, you must stand up for yourself anyway.
4. Put your foot down.
  • Believe me, when you do this, your character will be attacked.  You will become ostracized by some, false accused, talked about behind your back and people may kill you with assumicide!  However, your character and integrity will remain in tact if you just STAND and let the Lord be honored in your humility and obedience.
5. Recognize who's behind it.
  • More than likely, you will be made to feel that you've done something wrong. If you're not careful you'll buy into their notion that you might actually have done something wrong and that itself will hurt your confidence and unsettle your resolve.  Do not let this happen! Don't take it personally especially from people who have never sat where you've sat or handled the amount of responsibility you have handled. They speak from inexperience so don't take it personal.
6. Remain compassionate.
  • Those that hate you today will need you tomorrow. Don't lose your compassion or allow your heart to become hardened. Be compassionate and willing to pardon those who have done you wrong.  However, remember the quote "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." - Maya Angelou  You don't have to open the door to them again.  In fact, you wouldn't have the THIS if you would have held on to THAT. Access into your life is a privilege not a right. Be nice. Be kind. Be courteous. But keep it moving!
Say NO to Toxicity!